You May Call Me Princess Amelie
by a mountain of gideon's scones
Summary: CRACK FIC! Myrnin drugs Amelie and the results are that she thinks she is a princess, marrying Sam! Everything comes to a head in the Glass House. Funny. Poor Sam!


**So… another oneshot from me!**

**I **_**do**_** have another crackfic coming up, but since it was the Royal Wedding yesterday, this random idea I got when I was copying up my B7 notes (a boringly easy topic) seemed more fitting to the time :P**

…**obviously, if you like the characters as they are in the books, don't read xD**

**I don't own anything**

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"You may now all call me," she pauses for dramatic effect. "_Princess_ Amelie!" she proclaims to the room of people who seem entirely shell shocked as to why _Amelie_, the Founder, is dressed in a pink poofy princess dress from Disney and acting as if she is off her rocker.

"Amelie, what's going on?" Claire asks her gently, as the woman begins dancing around happily like a three year old who has just been told that she can go to Disneyland.

"Sam is a prince, you know," Amelie sighs wistfully. "And he asked me to marry him! so I will be a princess in a little while… yay! Aren't you all excited!" she squeals, jumping down the stairs carefully to emerge in front of the four residents of her old house, all of whom haven't got a clue what is up with her!

"Is she high or something?" Shane whispers to Michael, who looks deeply into Amelie's eyes, making her blush. She averts her eyes before he can finish checking, prancing around the room and making Eve and Claire stand up.

"I think so," Michael replies quietly, making a mental decision to go upstairs and to ring Sam to ask him what the hell he has done to Amelie. If he had asked her to marry him and she _isn't_ high right now, there is absolutely _no_ way she is getting into his family!

"You two can be my bridesmaids!" she grins, twirling her arms wildly. "And little Shane can be a pageboy, whilst Mikey is Sam's best man! Hehehe, this is going to be _awesome_!"

"Amelie?" Claire questions, wondering what the hell is wrong with her: the drugs theory is yet to come to our scientific genius.

Amelie turns to look at her with a hard expression, one which Claire is much too familiar with. "Incase you have forgotten, little _peasant_, my new title is _Princess_ Amelie, and if you do not call me by it then you are arrested!" she dances away, a little grin on her face as she calls herself 'Princess Amelie' again.

Claire turns away and makes a face to Eve, who sniggers, only able to see the funny side of it. "We should take pictures: we'll make a buck from them!" Eve suggests but Claire shakes her head.

"We'd be dead before we even try," Claire reminds her of the utmost power Amelie has, even when she is addled – what the hell is up with her?

"Come dance with me!" Amelie yells over, dragging Eve and the boys into the middle of the living room in order to dance with her. This leaves Claire alone, thinking desperately of something that could be wrong with her: perhaps someone dislocated her frontal lobe? Or maybe Sam really _did_ propose and she was so happy that she just turned… crazy?

Or maybe Myrnin had something to do with it.

This idea is proven to Claire when the brown curly haired alchemist who Claire has fancied for a while (but would never tell Mr Egocentric) comes dashing through the portal, anxious and worried.

"Claire, have you seen?" he begins, before noticing the dancing Amelie in the centre of the living room. "Doesn't matter… is she hallucinating? Or perhaps acting _abnormal_?" he asks her quietly, making Claire realise that Myrnin has _drugged_ Amelie.

"Are you _kidding_ me?" she asks him, agog that he would do that to her. "You _drugged_ Amelie. Who now, by the way, wishes to be called _Princess _Amelie," she continues, making Myrnin grimace.

He doesn't reply, however, simply gets his phone out – the fourteenth replacement in three weeks – and dials a number. "Sam? Yes, I've found her… no; you don't need to do that… I _enjoy_ having my fangs… no, don't tell Oliver… ok, see you soon," he finishes, dejected. "Sam is coming over to help get her out as I won't be able do it myself, as she will be waiting for her _prince_," he informs Claire, a smile playing at his lips.

This doesn't wash with Claire, as she simply whacks him in the chest, hard. "Idiot! You drugged _Amelie_. When she comes round, she is going to be fuming!" she yells at him, making the three humans forced to dance stop still and look at the exchange between Claire and Myrnin.

Michael smiles at the confirmation that he was right – Amelie is high!

"Claire, relax, I drug Amelie _all_ the time and she is normally fine," Myrnin, stupidly, confesses, making everyone turn to look at him again. "Oh, don't look at me like that! It's perfectly fine! She just annoys me to the point sometimes that I can't cope with her anymore, so I just drug her to get her to relax. It usually lasts a few hours and when she returns, she doesn't remember what she was annoying me about… just I didn't count on Sam coming around this time," he sighs, evidently annoyed that his plan didn't work out, not that he was ashamed that he drugged Amelie.

"So Sam is pissed at you?" Claire confirms, Myrnin nodding. "I don't blame him! Does he know that he is now apparently a prince or did she just clear off here?" she continues.

"He knows – he's been looking for her for about three hours, as have I. This was the last stop on the list, as it appears she has already raided the wedding dress shop, the cake shop and the children's toy park for the tiara," he grimaces before stepping closer to Amelie to begin to get her to calm down.

"Myrnin!" she squeals, abandoning her new human dance partners to move over and give her friend a hug. "Will you give me away? I'm getting married!" she dances up and down with him, even though he tries to make her calm down.

"Amelie, you need to come with me and we can go and find Sam, ok?" Myrnin says in a soothing tone, appealing to her to come with him to see Sam and get married – even though that is _definitely_ not going to happen.

She nods and begins to relax slightly, agreeing to go with Myrnin.

But then, unfortunately, Sam comes barrelling through the door and she squeals again, dancing across the room to meet him. "Sam! You're here! Are we getting married then?" she asks him, so innocent and sweet… but _extremely_ excited!

Sam hesitates, not wanting to hurt her as he loves her but not wanting to marry her as when she comes around she will have no idea what has happened. To let his hopes be that high and then just to drop away would be torture.

"Amelie," he says quietly, putting his hand on her shoulder. She wraps her arms around him, as you would to the person you love, and lays one on him with a tonne of passion.

"We're getting married!" she squeals, sounding more like a girl who is obsessed with Disney films and the happily ever after than she did even a minute ago. Still stunned from the kiss, Sam doesn't say a single word negative, which sort of defeats his role there. "Eve and Claire are the bridesmaids whilst Shane is a pageboy. Michael is your best man and… oh, I feel faint!" she suddenly moans, falling forwards. If it wasn't for the three vampire males there, all with super speed, she would have hit the floor but she doesn't…

Sam catches her in his arms first and as soon as her eyes open again – back to normal Amelie – she sees him. Relaxing slightly, she seems curious and confused as to where she is and why.

"Why am I here?" she asks, evidently recognising the Glass House. "Why don't I remember anything? Why am I wearing… _a pink dress with a tiara_?" she asks, evidently disgusted with her drug addled self's dress sense.

"You wanted to marry Sam!" Shane splutters, making her sit upright and stare him down, angry as hell.

"I don't remember that," she says, her brow furrowing. "In fact, I can't remember _anything_ from the past four or five hours… I last remember going to see Myrnin," she continues, now standing up fluidly and looking down at herself with an air of disgust again.

Myrnin begins to sneak away until Michael and Sam wrench him back, which only draws him even further into the eye of the newly un-drug-addled Founder.

"Explain, Myrnin," Sam says dryly, not at all amused.

"Well… I was preparing your monthly bite that you eat at my lab, and you sort of started to go crazy," Myrnin says, skirting around the entire issue of him drugging her. "You insisted you were marrying Sam and then you disappeared off to get ready and we tried to find you and you ended up here and you were just about to marry him when you… came back," he explains the events without mentioning why she didn't remember and _why_ she acted like this.

"Was there any particular reason as to why I _suddenly_ decided that I wanted to marry Sam, wearing something so… _Disney_? And _princessy_?" she asks, shocking the humans.

"Wait… you watch _Disney_?" Claire confirms, making the Sleeping-Beauty-esque Amelie turn to her and smile, transforming her entirely.

"Yes… I don't particularly see that this is a problem, do you?" she sounds defensive of her love for the Disney classics. "It is such a happy ending… but _what_ did you do, Myrnin, to make me turn into a Disney princess?" her tone hardens as she reaches the end, shooting daggers into his eyes.

"I may have… um… added some drugs, to the chicken from the dinner," he mumbles so that hopefully she doesn't hear. Unfortunately for him, she has perfect hearing and so this is perfectly clear to her.

Unfortunately…

"You did _what_?" she hisses, stepping forwards towards him, fangs sinking down in anger. "You _drugged_ me _wittingly_. You made me _high_ and act _irresponsibly_ and _entirely_ unlike a leader! How often have you done this?" she questions, obviously putting two and two together that he comes over once a month for a carvery and then she loses her memory.

"Um… every time I come over with a chicken or beef?" he mutters, his head hung in shame.

"Myrnin, you had better run," she snarls, her face not exactly fitting with the Disney princess image that the rest of her body projects. The Glass House kids laugh at her expression but she doesn't notice; Sam, on the other hand, is dejected and contemplating suicide at the way she made it entirely obvious that she would hate to marry him.

"With pleasure," Myrnin says hurriedly before sprinting from the house faster than you could say 'run'.

The kids collapse onto the sofa, laughing their heads off, whilst Amelie and Sam remain stood together in awkward silence. They love each other but they can't really be together… but she wants to marry him and he wants to marry her.

"I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to," Sam says to her, breaking the silence. "I've gotta go – the sun says that it wants to have a little boogie with me today," he makes a joke of his plans to go dance outside, suddenly running for the front door.

Amelie realises what he is going to do and dashes through the living room to get to the front door, but she is too late.

The smell of sun fried Sam reaches everyone.

Yummy, Shane thinks randomly, not having heard the commotion between Sam and Amelie and thinks that someone has brought in a Barbie. "Yo, pass the BBQ over!" he yells before hearing the sobs of the woman dressed in a pink dress.

Just a normal day in Morganville, really.

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**Whatcha think?**

**It WAS a crack fic, so don't get pissy about the characters and everything that happened!**

**Review!**

**Vicky xx**

**P.S – I hope that this doesn't happen to the new Duke & Duchess of Cambridge… as that wouldn't be very good…**


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